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Well, wouldn't you know it.  It seems my ideas are rarely original.  This blog is a case in point.  The genesis of this blog came from my efforts to split wood in order to heat my studio.  Keeping my axe sharp made the task so much easier.  I thought of how proper preparation of the tool could be an analogy for improving the skills necessary for us to meet our goals.  Apparently this idea was previously expressed in a quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln. "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."  Historians debate whether or not he actually said this.  Regardless of who conceived this quote it is still an excellent concept and because of this I will stick with it (even if I didn't think of it first).

I have been thinking a lot about relationships this past month.  Relationships are about connectivity.  So how can being connected benefit us?  If my goal is to increase my artistic skills then I need to connect with knowledgeable instructors and then practice the skills they shared with me.  If I wish to increase sales then I need to connect with everyone.  I need to connect with patrons, students, gallery owners or anyone that will remember me in a favorable way.  That is positive "word of mouth" which is the best sort of endorsement a person might have.  If I wish to have an excellent quality of life then I must develop relationships with quality people that I may call "friend".

I suggest two tools to help sharpen that relationship axe.  I recommend improving the skills of sincerity and altruism.  I feel these two character traits will be an important part of building a strong foundation for successful relationships.

Let's begin with sincerity.  

No one likes to be lied to; but I suggest that sincerity runs deeper than the idea of truthfulness.  Truthfulness could be limited to “coming clean” when the hard questions are asked of us.  Sincerity deals with having a clean and pure intent.  I feel this means that nothing is covert; there is no Wizard of Oz behind the curtain.  I know a man that once told me that he wanted no relationships with people that could not benefit him professionally.  He is aloof and guards his words carefully with people that might be able to help him.  He speaks negatively most of the time about professional events and he frequently speaks disparagingly about competitors and even spoke poorly of the work of one of his mentors.  I suppose he does this to elevate his position and appear important to others so that he might further his career. To benefit himself I have seen him act in opposition to things he has previously stated as personal morals and life philosophies.  I do not trust him based on numerous personal conversations and observations about his life. He is insincere and I will distance myself from him whenever possible. 

As an artist I am critical of others work but never with the intent of tearing down their validity in front of a collector or curator.  I would never have a conversation that would disparage an artists work in an attempt to damage their career just to move my own career forward.  What I will do is engage in conversations with other artists about their work or the work of another that may not always be flattering.  I will be sincere in my intent to share with them ideas and skills that will improve their art.  I am ready to receive as well as give; I expect the same in return.  I speak to them as a peer and instructor with the goal being to further our pursuit of excellence in our work.  That interaction is sincere because two or more people have connected in search of a common goal.  I honestly hope that when I have 25 years experience successfully creating and selling art that I remember to share my knowledge with others that are in need of what I know.  I would like to have a reputation as being trustworthy and helpful.  

I recently completed working a very important art show that has the potential to be a career making event.  While I am there the goal is to sell art and be visible.  The relationship modality is that I am seeking to send my art home with someone that will enjoy looking at it as much as I enjoyed making it.  Fourteen hours each day are spent being available to people that are shopping.  I am not there to be an instructor nor am I a museum of my art.  I have travelled to the show at great expense and I have a mortgage to pay.  I am there to make money.  I don’t like this aspect of my business but without sales then there is no business.  I am seeking only to connect with buyers because I have limited energy and time.  Is this mean?  No.  I occasionally offer workshops, jurying services and public speaking engagements without compensation.  I make myself available to share what I know free of charge.  There is a time and place for everything.  Seeking my instruction at a venue intended for sales is the wrong place and wrong time.  So, how do I make myself sincere about my intent to sell without being offensive?  When I feel someone is using my time for a lesson I redirect and communicate in the following ways:

• I speak about my creative process that led to the creation of a specific piece.
• I suggest to them they might be interested in attending one of my many workshops or public speaking engagements.  “Oh, by the way, some are free!”
• I offer to let them buy me a cup of coffee when the show is closed to answer their questions and have that instructional conversation.
• I ask them if they would like to purchase the piece we have been discussing. 

At that point I believe I have been sincere and made my intentions and goals clear.  I am attempting to be honest without being blunt or rude.  

  I believe people that get what they want out of life ask for it.  If I respect someone as an authority on a subject I will ask for them to mentor or counsel me.    I am very clear about why I am pursuing the relationship.  I am straight forward and not manipulative.  It is common that my requests are declined but at least there can be respect about the open communication. Often people that are in a position in life to help others are inundated with requests for assistance.  I was recently introduced to the editor of an excellent art publication.  My initial thought was this introduction could benefit me but my final action was to just be casual and let this editor enjoy the evening without having pressure from me.  I hope that when my requests are accepted then I am able to make the relationship beneficial to both parties involved.  Perhaps I can offer creative insight and provide innovative thinking for my mentor, after all I am an artist and we do think differently than most people.  Sometimes relationships are casual and have no ulterior motives.  People can just hang out and enjoy one another’s company.  I suggest that being sincere means that, once the intent of the relationship is conceptualized and understood by one party that it should be clearly communicated to all parties involved.  I think the popular phrase for this is “transparency”.  There is no smoke, no mirrors, no curtains.  Because there is no veil of deceit then the situation is pure, it can be sincere.  My friend, mentor, and fellow artist, Ned Mueller, does not mince words.  I am completely comfortable around him because there is no sense of ambiguity when he speaks.  I have no problem asking his professional advice because I feel he can be trusted to "tell it like it is."  I suppose his candid demeanor may be off putting to some but I find him to be a genuine person and I appreciate him as such.  I know my art has room for improvement and he will advise me in what to do.  That is the sort of mentor I appreciate.

To explain why I believe altruism is important to the relationship axe I need to share a personal experience.  I previously mentioned that I recently participated in an art show that was intended to commoditize art.  It is an exhausting experience to travel, set up the gallery, work twelve hours each day and then socialize (network) afterwards each evening.  The energy level must be kept high at all times.  The gallery must be dismantled at the end of the show.  This is done with feelings of elation or trepidation based on the commerce during the event. My show did not meet my lofty monetary goals and I was feeling drained.  A friend had arrived at a point where I needed an extra hand with tearing down my gallery.  He was there to help out.  He had also been a help during the set up of my gallery.  I had chosen that day to work through lunch and get the set up job done.  Just when I was regretting my decision and really feeling the fatigue and the hunger he arrived with a salad for my lunch.  It was exactly what I would have ordered had I bought lunch myself.  

  He did not ask for anything in return, he did not expect remuneration nor did I feel indebted.  This is altruism.  Of course I will be there anytime he needs a hand and I did help him with some tasks and buy him a meal.  I did so not because I had been coerced into obligation, but instead because it was a nice thing to do.  He and I will work mutually in the future to achieve our professional goals by sharing ideas and working on events that will benefit us both.  I believe we will be associates the rest of our lives because of our shared passion for art and a our sincere and open approach to one another.

After we had closed up my shop we went to dinner to discuss the events of the past several days and decompress.  We bumped into a mutual friend at dinner  (another artist) who joined us for drinks.  We spent the evening talking, laughing and ministering to each other.  We had been selling and working hard and this was a time to unwind.  Nobody was trying to sell any body any thing. We gave of our time and energy without expecting anything from one another; it was really refreshing.  It was so peaceful and unthreatening that we were even comfortable being silent.  The altruistic nature of the gathering was made more evident to me when a complete stranger decided to join us.  He introduced himself as being an authority in a particular field and proceeded to arbitrarily compliment the lady in our group as being physically attractive.  I related a story from my past that is famous in this man’s supposed area of expertise.  I personally knew the people related to in the story and had heard their first hand account of the event.  He did not recognize the details of the story and even contradicted things that I new as fact.  After all, he was the authority, right?   I began to internally question his sincerity.  As his intrusion progressed he continued to compliment the physical attributes of our lady friend.  Now I began to question his motives.  His flattery probably had but one manipulative purpose that bordered on creepy and it was definitely not altruistic.  He was sending out some negative energy that was obviously in opposition to what our gathering had been previously enjoying and I did not want to share my peaceful evening with him.  I believed him to be insincere and that he harbored selfish motives for inserting himself into our group.  He did not have a sharp enough axe to split wood with me.  He might have been welcomed if only he had brought the tools of altruism and sincerity. 

Relationships are about connecting.  Connections, whether they are friendships or business related, will unravel and be made weak when they involve deceit, ambiguity and selfishness.  If you enjoyed this article please remember to Like, Share and Follow!

Additional thoughts to summarize my thinking can be found in these pop culture references:

“I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.”  - John Wayne “The Shootist”

If you haven’t heard this song give it a listen.  It is thoroughly enjoyable and has a nice insight to relationships.  You can read the lyrics here:  Nothing More Lyrics | - The Alternate Routes